The One Big Story today comes from an idea prompted by Mark Manson’s weekly email entitled What If You Are the Asshole? The only thing more prevalent than people with ideas and opinions is the digital platforms that make your (primarily anonymous) views known. Right or wrong, well-read or not, it is easy to come a crossed as a self-righteous asshole. The only hope for some of us is our self-actualization, and we know we are assholes.

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Mark Manson is a writer and NYT Bestselling author of a couple books, most notably The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. I have followed Manson for a decade, read his books and blogs, and been a part of his membership site for years. Manson is the master of common sense and a no-nonsense way of looking at life. When he titles an email in a way that makes you think about your current relationships, discussions, and arguments that might help shed some light on your current circumstances, you read it. In short, when you read the headline What If You Are the Asshole, you instantly know the answer to that question.

It is hard to say if the conversations have changed with age or if my age is why my conversations have changed. Ten years ago, I would have had to Google most politicians, and I was unaware of anything outside of the view of my business, kids, schools, sports teams the kids were on, and our neighbors. Those were the good old days before Twitter, and Facebook worked relentlessly to feed us from the “anger-rhythms”. These days I know way more about politics and current events than I ever wanted to, and we haven't had cable tv in 4 years…

In the Apple TV series Ted Lasso, there is a line where Ted says, "It is our choices, gentlemen, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."  I think about that a lot, it’s a conversation I have with my kids who are tuning into young adults, and when I'm being kind, it's something I stress when conversing with someone who has become a mouthpiece for one extreme view or another. You can believe what you see, hear, and read, take it as fact, and tell others. You also have a choice to take that information and qualify against other sources, other people, and your own experiences. It is also a choice to determine how you will handle a conversation with someone who, without provocation, decides to tell you how they feel. That's when my asshole shines in its full glory; someone brings a conversation to me that I didn't ask to have, and instead of digging deeper to determine where the fear that causes that person to believe in more fear comes from, I take my "fact bat of condemnation" and hit them with it. Regardless of whether I am right or wrong, the person who steps to me to deliver nonsense news wasn't looking for an academic debate; at best, they are hoping for an ally, at the least someone who might give them a wink and a smile before moving along. 

No one wins in the civil war between the most elite assholes and fearmongers. I've written about this in the past, if the people who still believe in people can't find a way to talk with people who feel forgotten and fearful despite the data, the divide between us will only get wider. When the world explodes, the fearmongers will take comfort in the "told-you-so" mindset. If those who don't believe in fear aren't willing to accept and empathize with the followers of fear and help them see the light on the other side, we will continue to be the asshole.

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Fear and hope are both imaginary, it is your belief that makes one louder than the other.

Look at the stars, hope in those stars.

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With A Shout newsletter is written by Johnny Christian with the support of a thousand idea bits and the help of many people.

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