Vol. 1 Issue #218]

Format change continues and the newsletter is spending some time on a handful of existential dialogues, while the writer is dancing with himself. Today let’s talk about what you do after a life threatening experience, and is it possible to hold on to what that second-change feels like.

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Before the Bow

Have you ever been involved in a Mortality Event? An experience that brought you face to face with your own mortality, and then the event or at least the immediate danger began to dissipate. A few years ago, I was involved in a car accident;. My car was stopped on a bridge, and another vehicle did not realize until it was too late that traffic had stopped and T-boned it; I watched the car from my rearview mirror. I saw it swerve to avoid hitting the back of the vehicle, but after the swerve drove straight into the passenger side of the car, where my wife was sitting. She was unaware the vehicle was about to hit us; she was looking at me but could see in my eyes that something was drastically wrong. Fortunately, we were in a new car. Even though every window in the car blew out on impact, so did every airbag, including the side impact (curtains), which probably saved us from significant injury.

The event took less than three seconds, and seeing it happen, I did not have enough conscious time to see my life flash before my eyes. The rest of that night and several days after the event, we were in shock and in a complete daze. Grateful to be safe while knowing how close we came to crossing over. Throughout the haze days and the next few weeks, the images continued to flash; getting back into a car was challenging, and every car behind you felt like it would hit you again. You question both; why this happened to me and how lucky I am, often in the same breath. At times you feel free like every minute past the accident is bonus time, and with that bonus time you are grateful to receive, you feel like you need to do something with it.

Next thing you know, the days turn into weeks, months, and now years. The farther you get from an event like that, the less near-death you feel.

Diagnosis

A car accident is a split second and can change your life; what about diagnosing a terminal illness that won’t kill you today but will limit the time you may have left? I have not personally lived this experience, but I have walked with close friends who are walking it right now. After the initial diagnosis and the first few rounds of the fight, you are on an emotional roller coaster, saving whatever strength you have left, not dwelling on what could happen but on getting through the day. Once out of the critical stage and fortunate enough to make it to remission, even temporarily, it is an exciting state of mortal purgatory. Just like purgatory in the Catholic faith, once you are in it, the only way out is time and the help and prayers of other people.

This event can also come with bonus days that turn into bonus weeks, months, and, if lucky, years. Watching others go through this, walking with them, praying for them, and helping them whenever I can, one of the struggles is reconciling living on borrowed time with the I still have stuff to do and bills to pay. I don’t have the answers; I’m unsure how long the euphoria and inspiration stage will last if you are in a life-threatening situation. Life goes on, and maybe you have an inspiring story to tell, or you can experience some things in life with a greater sense of humility and gratitude, or maybe like most things, it too will fade over time.